How does one create a dignified system of thinking that allows us to reflect on the ways we have been influenced? With the help of basic arithmetics, I started a new process for painting floor plans with acrylic and masking tape as a guideline, resulting in a methodical grid system to understand the way the institutions have impacted my thinking and values. The floor plans include domestic spaces and educational institutions. Although the environments caused emotional stress and uncertainty at times, they have shaped how I perceive the spaces around me. 

I battled with myself for weeks wondering how to successfully execute my goals of dissecting my personal narrative and distant memories by defining the institutional spaces I spent most of my early childhood and teenage years. Prior to creating this body of work, I was using strictly cardboard and packing materials to recreate the architectural sculptures which had been the total opposite to my previous fine art training in New York City. I devised a plan for the next week to play with paint and canvas, the way I was “trained” in my undergraduate program.

I would like to call little-me growing up an obedient gremlin, but that would be a bit dramatic. I was obedient when I had to be. I was obedient to avoid conflict. I wasn’t obedient when I was told to clean my room. I also wasn’t the best listener when it came to schoolwork. I hated waking up in the morning, because I was told to. To top it all off, because of my mild disobedience, I learned there was a lot I could get away with. I was obedient in the sense that I never truly understood the consequences because I never broke enough rules to pass that threshold. At my Nana’s house, which is referenced in “Tracking My Mistakes No.1” was the first floor plan painting I created. From the beginning of this series, I had no idea acrylic paint and canvas would be the materials I use to render out my idea. I started out creating digital floor plans of places in my childhood from memory, almost architectural blueprints, to serve as a reference for more cardboard sculptures. I realized I needed to add another layer to my concept to create pockets of memory within my tracking system. 

As I come to reflect on my times in elementary and middle school I think about the spaces where I left footprints of naïveté towards life. In middle school, I fondly remember having to memorize terms and topics for each of my classes. I figured there was a system that I could create for myself to finish the coursework needed. I was completely wrong, not turning in homework but doing great on tests was not going to cut it for me. I was having terrible parent teacher conferences but each one of my teachers came back with the fact that I am highly perceptive and that my potential is unyielding. I didn’t notice I was struggling until after my dad had his massive heart attack, which I briefly discuss later in my thesis. 

In the painting “Tracking My Mistakes No. 2”, I wanted to visualize my Catholic middle school and the courtyard where I contrived most of my rebellious acts. The color scheme for the I was stuck between two worlds once again, the popular and the alternative. I followed in my sister’s footsteps and was asked to join the Academic Decathlon, but unfortunately I didn’t apply myself as well as I should’ve and I found myself, again, wondering whether I was “smart” enough.You dive into my high school drama and insecure thoughts with I Had a Plan… but Shit Happens. During high school, I was diagnosed with ADHD, the bump in the road that only made me more anxious to continue my education, especially because learning disabilities weren’t too commonly diagnosed in my family at the time. The floorplan used in IHAP…BSH was the Center at my all girls Catholic high school, Pres, short for Presentation High School. This was the space for lunch hour, free period, liturgy, school dances; you name it. At the time, I didn’t realize how important it was for me to be in high school and to receive such a rigorous education.